You feel the same???

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"
It is when u stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about youself that u didn't know and may not like. U start feeling insecure and wonder where u will be in a year or two but then get scared because u barely know where u are now..

U start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that u thought u were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people u have ever met, and the people u have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What u don't recognise is that they are realising that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insecure, but that they are as confused as U!!! U look at ur job..and it is not even close to what u thought u would be doing, or maybe u are looking for a job and realizing that u are going to have to start at bottom and that scares u.. ur opinions have gotten stronger.

U see what others are doing and find urself judging more than usual because suddenly u realise that u have certain boundaries in ur life and are constantly adding things to ur list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, u are insecure and then the next, secure.. U laugh and cry with the greatest force of ur life.

U feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and u try and cling on the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where u are or move forward!!!

U get ur heart broken and wonder how someone u loved could do such damage to u.... or u lie in bed and wonder why u can't meet anyone decent enough that u want to get to know better. Or maybe u love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why u are doing this because u know that u aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

U go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with ur friends about the same topics because u cannot seem to make a decision. U worry about studies, money, the future and making a life for urself.... and while winning the race would be great, right now u'd just like to be a contender!!

What u may not realise is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.. Send this to ur twenty something friends..maybe it will help someone feel like that aren't alone in their state of confusion..

p/s: hey peeps, got that from an email..thought i'd share it with some of you.. well, certainly this happens in everyone of us, just that we never really brought this up amongst us.. well, here it is. Something beneath our very selves been revealed. Certainly i don't disagree about this 'dilemma' because it happens every single day but yet, we manage to pull through. But, to what extent has this pulling through got to go? don't we wanna be in a state of certainty? Where nothing troubles us, where money isn't the problem, when work gives us great satisfaction?.. but at the end of the day..its the struggling that matters i guess. I do go through this everytime and its hard.. but with God's help, i'm now right where i'm suppose to be. Well, for now. not sure bout the future. We all can pull through only if we want to progress. So friends, i guess this article is an awakening to some of us. Simple yet it impacts you.

cold, lonely night....

i need a hug!!!! A warm one...anyone care for one? Actually, i want my sayang's one..but he's not here. So, i shall hug myself to bed later..:( Well, for some reason, it rained the whole night and now, its so cold..i want sun!!!! shheessh...but surprisingly, the sun comes out at the right time for some reason..like when i'm out to uni, the sun comes out! and when i'm home sleeping, it rains!! how nice of the weather right?? God so understands my needs.. nehoo, yea, got started on my assignment i was suppose to start ages ago..but guess i'm not that left behind yet.. erm, dunno if i'll be able to concentrate on my work..cause my kind landlord's given me a tv!!!!! hahah...now i got the tv all to myself!!!!!!!!

My baby is now in singapore. He tyres are waiting for him to pick them up...hmm..long story..basically, bottom line is, he's there to pick up his four tyres and his bumper and he expectedly forgot to call me again.. upset over it .. u know what ppl, i'm deprived of raves...deprived of good music. clubs are not my cup of tea over here.. probably its because i don't have the right crowd with me.. was about to say something but i forgot...my mind was switched on to something else..hehehe...updates laterz!!

brain overloading...*tyekkkkkkkkk...*

My eyes are closing..either i'm sleepy or i've overused them..got such thing ar? Got. I barely started on my assignments simply BECAUSE i've not finished reading the articles which i'm suppose to research on... what the fuck right?? Well, let's just say Psychology reports are suckers from now on... You need to read bloody long journals and articles when u only need to cite perhaps one, two or three things from it. Well, maybe smarter people don't need to...but i need to.. like when i read an article, i think of food, like why is the chocolate i'm eating not in Malaysia?? or what should i cook tonight? or figuring a way out to hide my chocs cause my ding dong Ozzy housemate secretly eats them!!!!!! so, yea, u see why i keep reading so much??? Aiyo!!!!

Sorry guys, if u find my blog lame...i find it pretty mundane don't u think?? I definitely will spice it up soon....once i'm over with all this overwhelming educational load.. what do u guys think of Human Genetic Manipulation??? Would u like to clone your children some day?? Would u want a daughter who looks like the uncanny version of the younger you??? Hahhaa...scary huh? well, that's what i'm suppose to argue about. hahaha...i'm imagining myself scolding my daughter who's my delayed twin!!! How cool is that!!! of course, it's much more complicated than that. I'd be traumatised to see myself seeing myself behaving myself.. *Huuhh??*

The dude in my house is pretty dumb...he was cooking just now, with everything closed..no open windows, no open doors..not even the ventilation fan.. stupid. Of course the smoke alarm will ring right??? two of them were in the kitchen and i was in my room.. and when i came out to see what in the world was going on, then i see him waving his hands in front of the smoke alarm.. Wow, like the smoke will go away....thanks to me i had to do the opening of the back door for him and he went like ' oh yea, that's a smart thing to do!!' Oh really??? I didn't know that!!! geeessshh.. erm, i'm beginning to sound really sarcastic..i think i need some peaceful sleep. I miss sri devi's nasi lemak!!!!! Someone, tapau for me!!!!

speed of time

My my...doesn't time just passes so fast??? that's BRILLIANT!!! Then, i can go home faster, see how Malaysia looks like again... go yam cha every night...sleep late.. and just be lazy ol' me again!! Cool...hahhaha..well, i'd thought it'll be the opposite when i get here..like you know how it is when you just laze around all day...watch the clock tick away, hear the timer of my heater tick too.., eat chocs and watch tv..go to uni with thev ever-so-efficient bus (they really are man..right on time!! u can NVR get this service back home, not in a million years), and of course my precious beauty sleep...which doesn't work obviously...heheh..

Well, so how am i taking Adelaide??? Besides its known name of 'city of boredom' and seeing the tallest building as tall as our apartments back home, i think it did shed some light for me to see things clearer in perspectives..regardless of where u are, place doesn't matter, what it all matters that realizing that what you have at home can't beat anything else in the world... So what, if Malaysia's still working on moving out as a 3rd world country?? I still get to drive, still get to earn even dough, still get priorities sometimes...and not forgetting too, it makes you appreciate things more... for me, its relationship. You know, before coming to Oz, though be it a year, i felt, it was a turning point of a new beginning.. A brand new stepping stone towards this ambiguous future u might say.. and I had a bbq in mind. Though it was just a bbq, which of course is really unnecessary, it was something important to me.. the fact that, leaving your friends behind can bring unexpected changes in just a year maybe, people change and regardless of its outcome, at least i knew this person came for my bbq and took the initiative to spend some time with me... and that was my point. I think its something that no one else knew. Well, now u all know. Just called some close friends, some old some new. And throughout the process of preparing myself mentally and emotionally, some important people in mylife didn't quite approve of the need of having this farewell..i mean it upsetted me a whole lot. I felt at that very moment, me leaving is a daily thing..u know, xcept for my pooch..and that it didn't matter at all..so i felt leaving was the best way out. To get away from additional sources of depression and disappointment. After a stressful string of events, i managed to get everyone together. I was happy, even overjoyed, the fact that, at the end, everyone knew how important it was for me. I didn't wanna lose friendship, nor end any. So, yea, now i ponder over it, i think my effort was well worth the stress and energy taken up. Thank you to all of you who helped me..Abel and Xavy, wouldn't have made a good one without ur cooking skills...hahha, to my baby, although i was a little upset with him, he was there for me..to all my other close friends, i love you all...and there's a reason why i called u guys to come.. to those who i didn't call, i'm sorry.. my house couldnt take the capacity of people i wanted to call...well, not to say that all of you could come anyway..heheheh. Well, long one, but yea, just to pour out some thoughts i've been keeping. Love you all, be good citizens of Malaysia, Malaysia boleh!!! WTf?? syndrome of isolation...

my scary dream...

yo.. ok, i've not been getting good dreams nor bad ones lately... but i had a string of weird dreams last night... ok, the most vivid one i can remember is the one with UFOs.. i was at someone's place, or was it my place, can't remember but i know we were up hill... and i was gazing out to the sky with someone.. and also recalled talking about how peaceful the sky looks at night with the stars..and at the corner of my eye, i saw some blink blink stuff...and i was like wow, isn't it my lucky day to see such big stars!!! Heheh.. and it became bigger and bigger.. somehow it didn't look nice afterthat...it was the exact rounded UFO thingie that we usually see.. and it came down damn fast.. we panicked...i was screaming my head off cause i knew it i was going to die...so that's my rendition of the end of the world... there's continuation but i can't remember...sorry!!!

Anyhoo.. there's nothing much for me to do today except get my stuff printed out for further work... I miss home, i miss my dog...i miss my mum nagging at me...i miss yaming cha...i miss going to Zouk..i miss my bed, i miss my tv..i miss astro.. i miss mum's cooking..i think i can cook better than her now!!! And most importantly, i miss my sayang..he's not feeling very well and knowing him, he takes ages to get himself to see a doc. How's everyone doing? Fine? Even better? tell me!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, i know my blog looks pathetic now..but wait, will make really pweeety soon...u guys like pink?? hahaha...course not...it'll just blind ur eyes... oh, i've got this really amazing website.. the interview with God: http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/windowmovie.html check it out...its beautiful...short but heart touching. ok, gotta go!

this is sarmen 

*YawN*

man...i feel so blur..just woke up from my evening turned night nap.. HAhahak..so blur until cannot stand straight. Well, my stomach's starting to churn already..will feed myself after updating you guys. did nothing much today except, went for this fashion show briefing that i'm suppose to do for 'Impression Night' something like prom night?? hhehehe...and there's this really really extremely HOOOOTTTT chick who's also doing the fashion show!!!! I'm telling you, just by looking at her, i feel like a lesbian man..cause u just can't stop turning away from her..u know?? Anyways, she's russian. Will take a picture of her when i have the chance... its to drool for ok??? I really didn't know how those guys there manage to hold their breath and looked so cool..well, actually i was doing that too..*LOL* Its the first fashion show ever, so they wanna make it happen u see.. Parading summer wear for guys, who all looked 6 ft tall, cocktail or executive wear for girls and international costumes for both. the choreographer is a malaysian girl who's finishing her Bachelor's of Psych end of this year.

Ok, well, i've got more to say about some people i met there. Well, there was this one girl, she's chinese, also Malaysian but already working..so a gradute la. Well, honestly, i hate her guts.. I don't wanna criticise her confidence or anything, but i think hers is beyond the end of the road la..until to the top of the rubbish dumpsite. this is how she behaved:
1) her introduction was alright...and i suddenly realized that she's got this unbelievable accent that doesn't sound like australian, american or english... her made up own one. and staying there for 4-5 years already...eergghhh..u can imagine hearing her talk like that to everyone, if only i can put an audio example or something..

2) She acted like she was the host or something..dah la she came late, to a small room and everyone was sitting waiting, so i came in together with her cause we were both late...kinda forgot what she said but i felt so irritated with her...she did nothing wrong basically, maybe its just me

3) No one asked for her opinion...like, we girls are suppose to wear executive wear right, and she went on, "oh, i've got loads of it (dah la she just started working, so proud of it) actually, maybe can share... Erm, its a fashion show, obviously they get proper sponsors right? Yea, she's generous too anyway...

4) when she talks to you u feel like u're being interviewed...her sentences are so proper, i feel so stressed having the need to talk to her properly too!! Like she'll look intensely in your eyes and then shut it for a moment and open again while she asks her question...WTF???? I don't get it!! N like she didn't go for the audition so she's the only who didn't do the catwalk...so everyone agreed for her to show..and she was like "Oh God, i haven't modelled for such a long time...blablabla..shorty".. and she was alright till she did the full turn and almost slipped... HAhahahahha!!!!

Okla, don't wanna move on...bottom line is, maybe i'm too annoyed at it or i'm just the annoying one.. she intimidates me..though she meant well, its one of those intimidating people who can innocently irritate you without realizing, and that's more annoying right? they carry on and on...
Maybe, i'm just MEan...But i don't always feel like this towards anybody as a matter of fact, so its normal right?? Ok, that's it. I'm getting annoyed. HUNGRY!!!!! blah...

I miss my boyfriend!!!!! I'm soooooo restless now.. ok, i shall start on my assignment tonight itself!!! i feel the motivation...all of a sudden....eehek..

B-O-R-I-N-G......

Tralalla...herlo!!! Hm...Today is spelt BORING. not FRIDAY, but BORING. Back home, FRIDAY is DA DAY..the day to shop, the day to feel relief, the day to chill, the day to PARTEY!!! Oh how did my test go??? Hahhaha...well, in case u all didn't know, i had a short test today, which i thought i would screw up cause i tried the quiz thinking its easy-peasey but no, i over estimated my intelligence..So, yea, Gaya and I were the happiest people today...the exact quiz came out!! Muahahahah...see, always good to try the quizes. But my funny lecturer, gave us extra 10 questions to do too, so yea..hopefully, i get a fair share of marks. So, i went jalan-jalan after that.. wanted to do some grocery shopping..

BTW, i bought a new pair of shoes yesterday which only cost me 12 AUS..so, it was my day yesterday..and i wore it today!! HAha..well, anyhoo...was walking along the road, and you know how the tiles are along the road right? like the patterned ones? so they have little gap lines between them? Ok, so i was proudly walking with my cute little flats when i realized that my heels keep getting stuck into those little gaps..aiyer..damn mafan..so i had to walk and look at the ground at the same time..u should see me..i was laughing in my head..i look so stupid. Just then, this car honked at me, and two hunky dudes in the car was looking at me...*blushy* Ignored, and walked on..and i think they saw me slipped again...*hhrr..so embarassing...* ok, END of story. Bought my stuff, and left for home...slept, (somehow, i always almost fall off my bed) not freaking used to single BEdS!!!!! ok...i'm boring myself already. Chow chows!!!

precious friends

heya everyone.. hmm..although i should be studying, i'm still trying to get over the fact that i can freely use the internet now!! So, yea, making good use of it. thought i'd share some nice things with you all..strangers, close friends, not so close friends, mother father...fluffy...whoever. I wanna say that i'm really blessed with friends God sent from above. Well, this will be my tribute to all who've been there, putting up with my shit, listening to my crap, laughing at my lamo jokes, and of course to those who do cherish me as one friend who can never be replaced. Since i'm away, i'd very much like to go home now and see everyone. Maybe even give u all a little peck and long hug for each of you..heheheh.. I love you guys so much!!! Maybe in time to come, we move on, moving on to the next stage in life.. working life. So much to learn, so much to adapt to, maybe so much to change too.. so now i say thank you, you know who you are. I love you all and just don't ever erase this friendship ok?? Yea, feeling emotional, and sleepy...love u all!!!! Muaaakksss!!!!

my patience has paid off...

Finally!!!!!!finally!!!! After days, weeks, trying to set up my stupid internet connection, after having put through to people who can be so dumb, i finally got my internet set up. Since i'm not at all computer savvy, i still manage to be smarter than all of those technical support people. Hah! See, i'm trying to save cost, so i guess this is the price i gotta pay! Well, firstly i had to do some minor adjustments about the home phone line, then get the prepaid thingie for the internet. Then, call the dumb-strucked ppl who made me hold on the line for eons, which then wastes for credit on my prepaid acc..then got through to this dude, thinking he was smart, he made me open a connection and it got through..but couldn't connect to the internet.. So, i got tired, so decided to call back the next day.. which is today. was put through to this lazy voiced woman...who even yawned right at the phone!!! How professional can that be??? not to mention after waiting for 10 whole minutes listening to some stupid sleepy song, i get that kind of service. And to add on, she speaks as fast as the speed of a tortoise..so imagine that.. that also couldn't help me get through to the net.. and she made it worse..she made me alter so many settings! Then, really, i gave up. decided to call for the last time and this time the woman sounded really sure. she even said like 'ok, listen to me.. do this, ...' and i was like' are u sure?' and she said ' don't worry about the rest, just follow my instructions'... and she almost got it right. but thanks to my briliant self, i had to do some minor alterations to the dialing no. and voila! I'm online now!!! oK, had to make this a long one cause i want everyone to know what patience really means.. Anyhoo.. i think i had too much coffee.

The weather's fine today. i managed to buy myself a pair of expensive turned cheap shoes!! The shop too semangat to sell their stock off.. had this lady lelonging outside the store on the mic..hahhaha...yea, tell me about it. So, me being the 'ke-po-chi' as always, decided to walk in..and not surprising, came out with something. Hehehe.. but no regrets!! miss everyone at home...*sob, sob*

holla all you bloggy-bloggers!!!

Ok, I was asked to set this up when i arrived in Adelaide. Unfortunately, i was just plain lazy....but anyhoo, i want the world to know how bored my life is here without all my kawan-kawanz..oK..it isn't that bad..i'm still surviving this for-my-own-good misery that i thought wouldn't be a misery at all...Ok..hehe..i'm exaggerating again. So, i'm setting this up for the sake of Mr. Abel in ABesteria, cause he loves me so!!! Ahaks!! Ok, this is just a short introduction to the start of this precious blog of mine...*winkY* i'm gonna attend this interview skills talk like in 5 minutes so i don't wanna be late. Yea, just in case i don't know how to handle directors interviewing me next time, i reckon this should be a good go. Ok folks, i'll attend to you all shortly... Tatas!!!!